Your wedding day is about celebrating you and your partner’s love. However, in addition to saying “I do” to your new spouse, you may also be saying the same to some of your closest friends and family members when you invite them to participate in your wedding party. In their roles of bridesmaids and groomsmen, they may assist with other events prior to your nuptials, such as your bridal shower, bachelor or bachelorette party, and your rehearsal dinner. Before you assemble your group for these events (and your big day!), though, there are a few things to consider when you make your bridesmaid and groomsmen selections.
1. Make a list of who you feel closest to.
The bridesmaid selection process can be overwhelming, so why not create a list of your best friends and closest family members to begin? Remember, that although you might feel close to women like your mother, aunt, or future mother-in-law, they won’t expect a bridesmaid ask as this role is usually filled by female friends, sisters (or a sister-in-law), and cousins.
2. Remember your bridesmaids can be men.
There’s no rule saying you can’t have a close male friend standing by your side as you say your I Dos, so don’t feel like you have to leave a boy-BFF off your list just because he’s not a maid or matron. A bride can totally have a man of honor or bride’s man.
3. Consider your expectations for a maid of honor and the rest of your bridal party.
The biggest advantages of including 1 or more maids of honor and bridesmaids in your wedding is first they can minimize your stress and secondly, they can enhance your excitement during wedding-related events leading up to the big day. Common maid of honor and bridesmaids” tasks include:
- Organizing the bachelorette party
- Attending your wedding gown appointment and helping to choose the perfect wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses that compliment it.
- Supporting you in managing jitters
- Taking care of other tasks that make your wedding planning easier
As you narrow down the list and choose your bridesmaids, think about who would be best suited to handle these tasks with grace, efficiency, and a good attitude.
4. Decide if you want an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.
While your wedding party doesn’t have to be even, some couples prefer to have an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, often for the sake of photos. Communicate with your fiancé to note their preference and make the decision together. The average is 5 bridesmaids and groomsmen on either side, but you can have as many as you wish.
5. Think about the availability of your potential bridesmaids.
As much as you love certain people in your life, circumstances such as a demanding job or busy family commitments may make it difficult for them to fulfill the bridesmaid role. If you decide to not ask someone, for this reason, ease any confusion or hurt feelings by relaying that you’d rather not heap extra obligations onto their already full life—not because you don’t love them.
6. Reflect on how your potential bridesmaids and groomsmen get along.
If you plan to have events that include your full wedding party—such as a joint bachelor and bachelorette gathering—you may want to evaluate the relationships within the group. For example, if one of the potential bridesmaids just had a terrible breakup with one of the potential groomsmen, take into account the possible strife that could create before you add those loved ones to the list.
7. Determine if you’re inclined to ask someone to be a bridesmaid because you think you “have” to.
Are there any ladies in your life you’d rather not ask to be your bridesmaid, for one reason or another, but you feel you have to out of fear they’ll cause drama? Remember this moment is a huge milestone, and you have every right to determine the right people for you: those bridesmaids who’ll make you feel amazing on your special day.
8. Create roles for close friends who won’t be bridesmaids.
If you have friends who won’t be in your bridal party, but you’d still like to honor them, think about special parts they can play at your wedding. For example, you can ask a friend who is musically gifted to play a song or a family member with a knack for weaving words to give a speech.
9. Be certain before you make the big ask.
Once you ask someone to do you the honor of being in your wedding party, you can’t take back the offer. So, while it can be tempting to blurt out “Will you be my bridesmaid” take your time and be intentional about who and when you ask.
10. Be Mindful of Budget
We all know being a bridesmaid or groomsman is expensive. Even if you’re paying for their accommodations or chipping in for the suit or dress, between flights, gifts, and the bachelor and bachelorette parties, these expenses can add up. If you know a friend you know is in a tough spot financially, call them up to talk it over before making the official ask. Let them know you’d love to include them but also have a few alternative ways for them to be involved if joining the wedding party might be too expensive. Close friends make fantastic readers, give great toasts at the rehearsal dinner, and can hand out programs or serve as ushers at the ceremony.
